Real Life Community Church Richmond, KY

Acts | Part 27 | Breaking Through Conflict

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Ever noticed how conflict seems to find its way into even our closest relationships? Whether it's with your spouse, a friend, or someone at church, disagreements happen—and how we handle them makes all the difference in whether our relationships thrive or wither.

Through this small story of Paul and Barnabas in Acts 15, we discover that even spiritual leaders in the Bible struggled with conflict. These two men traveled together for years, facing persecution and celebrating revival side by side. Yet one disagreement about John Mark split their partnership apart. Their story offers us a mirror to examine our own approach to conflict resolution.

Most of us handle conflict in one of three ways: ignoring it (like putting tape over a car's check engine light), exploding with anger (smashing the dashboard), or addressing it directly (taking the car to a mechanic). Only the third approach leads to healthy, lasting relationships. Research shows the healthiest relationships maintain a balance of five positive interactions to every one negative interaction—revealing that both too much conflict and too little can damage our connections.

Healthy confrontation requires several key elements: consistent encouragement to balance difficult conversations, humility to acknowledge our own contributions to problems, prayer to center ourselves in God's perspective, emotional control to prevent hurtful outbursts, and a genuine commitment to reconciliation as the ultimate goal. The good news? We're not alone in this challenging work. The Holy Spirit provides exactly what we need—courage, patience, kindness, and love—to address conflict in a way that honors God and preserves relationships.

Like the dragon in the children's story that grew larger the more it was ignored, conflicts only expand when neglected. This week, identify one relationship where unresolved tension exists, and take the courageous step of addressing it with prayer, humility, and a genuine desire for reconciliation. Your relationships—and your spiritual life—will be transformed.

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Reader:

All right if you would stand for the reading of the Word. Today we're going to be in Acts, chapter 15, starting at verse 36.

Reader:

And after some days, days Paul said to Barnabas Let us return and visit the brothers in every city where we proclaim the word of the Lord and see how they are now.. Barnabas wantedlled wanted a c to take with . John, John called Mark. Now. Barnabas wanted to take with them. John called Mark. But Paul thought it best not to take with them one who had withdrawn from them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. And there arose a sharp disagreement so that they separated from each other. Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and departed, having been commended by his brothers to the grace of the Lord, and he went through Syria and Sicilia strengthening the churches.

Pastor Chris May:

Amen. The word of God for the people of God, amen. It's good to be back. I so appreciate Pastor Jack and Pastor Ron for filling in for me, didn't they do great? So appreciate the words that they shared. So appreciate the words that they shared.

Pastor Chris May:

You know, within every deep relationship there is conflict. You know you may come to me and say well, pastor, you know, I've got this friend who I never argue with, and I would just say if that's true, then perhaps your relationship is not quite as deep as what you might think, because conflict in every meaningful relationship is in fact inevitable. So the question that we must grapple with is not will I experience conflict in this particular relationship, but how will I deal with conflict when it arises? That's a really important question to think through, because do you know that the health and longevity of your deepest relationships depend on your ability to manage conflict well? Studies show that an inability to resolve conflict well is a major predictor of marital dissatisfaction and it is a sure road to divorce. You know, in the church, when you don't handle conflict well with other people, you know what do a lot of people do when they get upset with someone. Okay, they yell, but in the church. Usually they just leave. Yeah, they change churches, that's right. And then what happens when they go to the next church and somebody hurts their feelings? The same, and it's this pattern. And the sad part is, what that does is this it never allows you to be rooted. A plant that's moved constantly from vineyard to vineyard cannot develop roots and grow into a healthy plant, and so it is with us. You know, if you leave a church or a relationship every time, you get hurt, you'll never develop deep, meaningful relationships. There are three ways that we can handle conflict. All right, these are general categories, and I'm going to illustrate this point by talking about that pesky, infamous check engine light on your dashboard. Anybody's check engine light on right now. All right, wow, so this is going to. This will preach then. There are three ways you can handle a check engine light. Number one you can ignore it. Check engine light number one you can ignore it. Has anybody here ever even put a little piece of masking tape over it, just so you don't have to look at it? You know, there's maybe some temporary piece in that, you know, you don't have to think about it. But I would argue that's not the best way to handle the problem because it's going to lead to serious issues and your car, frankly, won't last as long as it might otherwise. You know it's the same with conflict.

Pastor Chris May:

A lot of people think it's noble to sweep conflict under the rug. Doesn't work. They think it'll just magically go away. But what happens? It festers and it ends up blowing up at some other time. So it might be convenient for a while just to ignore a problem.

Pastor Chris May:

You know I've had people say to me in the church well, you know, pastor, I don't want to bring anything up, because you know I don't want to address this problem, because you know I don't want to cause problems in the church. Listen to me, friends, that's not what causes problems in the church. What causes problems in the church is people who aren't bold enough and courageous enough to deal with issues. All right, so you can ignore that check engine light. Number two you can hope I won't ask you to raise your hand here, but you can blow up and kind of punch the dash or even take a hammer to that thing right, bust the light. And what you've done here is that insult to injury, because not only now do you have an engine problem, but now you got to. You know, fix that darn dashboard right. And it's the same in.

Pastor Chris May:

You know, conflict managing, conflict, what happens? Maybe some of you, you're prone to blowing up when you're in this kind of confrontation and that doesn't resolve the problem. The problem doesn't get resolved. But then you know, on top of that, what happens You've damaged the other person and you know that other person will quit bringing things to you. They'll become resentful towards you because they're always scared to bring up an issue. But there's a third way to handle that check engine light. What is it? Yeah, get rid of it. You take it to a mechanic and you hook one of those computers up to it and you find out what the error is and you fix it. Now here's the thing with that solution. It's inconvenient because you might have to take a couple of minutes off work to handle it. You might even have to be without a car for a few days. But the payoff is worth it because your car is going to likely last longer and it's going to run better.

Pastor Chris May:

And listen, that's how it is in our relationships At home, in the church, when you have ought with your brother, when there's a conflict of tension. It is inconvenient and it is well, it's uncomfortable, let's say, and difficult to confront that person in a calm way and try to get to the root of the problem. But I'm telling you, if you handle conflict that way, it will lead to long lasting and healthy relationships. And, by the way, the Bible doesn't give us an option as to which one of these ways we employ to handle conflict. Let's go just for a second to Matthew, chapter five, and look at Jesus' familiar words in verse 23. Chapter 5, and look at Jesus' familiar words in verse 23. He says if you're offering your gift at the altar and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there First, go be reconciled and then come back and offer your gift. What's Jesus saying there? Let's just break this down. It's pretty simple.

Pastor Chris May:

What do you do when someone has a problem with you or you have a problem with somebody else? What do you do you go? Who do you go to the person? Let me help you. Married people, when you're upset with your spouse, don't call your mama. I'm serious, dear Lord. I just pray for the prices right now.

Pastor Chris May:

Listen, go to that person. And if you don't go to the person, you know what you're. You listen, you're going to have to talk it through If you don't go to the person you're going to. You're going to say something to somebody else. Okay, you're going to. Which is gossip, right? So you go to that person and can I just add one other thing there? Don't text them. Oh, my goodness, this happens to me all the time. Where people text me problems, a lot of times on Sunday mornings, it's like what in the world? Come on, people lost their mind, anyways. So you go to the person and you go to them quickly.

Pastor Chris May:

Jesus says this is how important it is. Let me just apply this to our day. You're singing praise, you're lifting your hands, you're clapping and you remember you have ought with your brother. Put your hands down, go out in the foyer, make a phone call, pull somebody else out of it, you know, take your spouse out there, take somebody else you have conflict with, go be reconciled. Then come back. Because here's the thing, amen, because here's the thing being in tension, unresolved conflict, here's what it does. It impacts you, it impacts people around you and it impacts your relationship with God and it needs to be handled quickly. Now, how many know that's difficult? Is anybody really good at that. All right, yeah, conflict resolution is difficult, but here's the great news. This is what I love about our text today we're not the first generation to struggle with this. So let me just paint the scene here.

Pastor Chris May:

We've been going through the book of Acts and for the last several weeks we've been following the journey of the apostle Paul in Barnabas. They've gone throughout the ancient world, from city to city, town to town, preaching the gospel. They're now finished with that first missionary journey. Do you know? They've traveled, in two years, about 1,400 miles together by foot. It's wild. What have they seen? Well, from town to town, as they preach the gospel, they've seen revival break out in cities. That's cool. They've seen thousands of people come to the saving knowledge of Jesus, and so they've celebrated all of these great victories together. They've also, you know, they've gotten each other through some hard times, because it wasn't all cupcakes and rainbows, this journey. What happened? Well, the traveling was very dangerous. They had to deal with lions, tigers and bears. There you go. Really, it was very, very dangerous traveling conditions, rough terrain, bandits and wild animals, terrain, bandits and wild animals. And so, as they traveled, you know they'd get to a city and then you know they experienced persecution, stoned, maligned, and they were there for each other and they've stood together and they've helped each other.

Pastor Chris May:

The point is, you know, paul and Barnabas seem, up to this point, to be like peanut butter and jelly grippos and beer cheese. Come on, somebody, l8 and Everything. Right answer, right answer. So, because they're so close. Here's what happens, guys.

Pastor Chris May:

We get to verse 39, and I want you to read this and there arose a sharp disagreement so that they separated from each other. Isn't this wild? After all that they've been through, they have this intense dispute, but here's the crazy thing, they don't do a good job with handling it. It's so bad that they have to split up. And I love this because, you know, the Bible is so honest, both in the Old Testament and New Testament. It reminds us that the early church, you know, was not made up of superhuman people Beloved. These are ordinary men and women that God used in a profound way, which ought to give us great encouragement. Because how many have messed up in the area of conflict management before? How many have done that this week? Let's just be honest, all right.

Pastor Chris May:

So through this text, I want to help us in this, because this will change your life. I mean, what would your marriage look like if you learn to handle conflict better? What would your church relationships look like if you can manage conflict well? And so let's unpack what's going on here. So I'll take you back to Acts, chapter 13.

Pastor Chris May:

You remember, paul and Barnabas are with a bunch of believers in Antioch. They're having church, they're praying and they're fasting. And what happens? The Holy Spirit speaks. And the Holy Spirit leads the church to call out and to send out Paul and Barnabas on this journey. Well, paul and Barnabas, they know it's going to be a long and hard journey. So they say well, we need some help. So they recruit this man by the name of John Mark. Now, you need to know this John Mark is the cousin of Barnabas. Might be some nepotism here, I'm not sure. So John Mark goes with Paul and Barnabas on this journey.

Pastor Chris May:

And then in Acts, chapter 13, verse 13,. Here's what happens John Mark decides, pretty close to the front of this mission, and I'm done, I can't handle this, I'm out, and he goes to his mommy's house back in Jerusalem. That's what happens. And he abandons Paul and Barnabas in their time of need. So here comes the dispute. They're now done with that first missionary journey and they're getting ready to retrace their steps to go back and disciple the churches. And so, before they set out, look at verse 37.

Pastor Chris May:

Here's the argument. Now, barnabas wanted to take with them John called Mark, his cousin, right, but Paul thought it best not to take with them the one who had withdrawn from them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. You'll remember that Barnabas's name means son of what Encouragement. So here's the thing here is that Barnabas is concerned about the person, but Paul is concerned about the mission. And you say well, which is right. And I would just say they're both right. I believe we serve a God of second chances, but I also believe that we need people in ministry we can count on. Come on, so they begin arguing about this. So here's the good they do confront the problem, but I would argue they don't confront the problem in the right way.

Pastor Chris May:

Conflict resolution hear me, it demands confrontation. You've heard me say this love demands confrontation, love demands confrontation. We have got to love in the church each other enough to confront one another when there's a problem, because how else are we going to grow, how else are we going to change, how else are we going to repent if we're not brave enough and loving enough to confront one another in those conflicts? You know, proverbs 27, 6 says Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. I don't know about you, but I am so grateful that I have a few people in my life who don't just tell me what I want to hear, but will speak into my life in love and tell me the truth when I need to hear it most, especially when I might be going astray. So Paul and Barnabas confront one another, but they don't do it in a perfect way. So I want to just quickly give you a few principles for how to confront people in the right way that's going to help you at home, at church, at work, everywhere you go. And the first is this healthy confrontation must be counterbalanced with encouragement. It must be counterbalanced with consistent encouragement.

Pastor Chris May:

Here's what I love about this text. Do you know, when you read the story of Paul and Barnabas, this is the first record of a major dispute between these two men. They've been together for now over two years, and they have loved each other and encouraged each other and supported each other, and that is so important. Jesus. How many of you know that Jesus occasionally rebuked the disciples, especially Peter? He was always in the woodshed. Come on, anybody relate to Peter? Peter was always in the woodshed. But here's the great thing Peter didn't have to doubt God's love, jesus' love for him, because Jesus, by and large, spent the majority of his time pouring in and encouraging and blessing these disciples. And that is so important that we get this balance of positive and negative interactions right.

Pastor Chris May:

There's a leading researcher on marriage and relationship. His name is John Gottman and he found that the healthiest relationships have hear this five positive interactions to one negative interaction. Did you get that? Married people, you ought to be having one fight for every five positive interactions, all right. So Dr Jordan Peterson, he kind of springboarded off Gottman's research and he talked about this within the context of marriage. And here's what his research found. He said that in marriage, if the positivity ratio falls below 5 to 1, the relationship itself just becomes a negative experience. And maybe that's like if you're at home and you're fighting all the time, like that's horrible for you, it causes marital dissatisfaction and, by the way, it's horrible for your kids. So he says that you know, you've got to have at least this five to one positivity ratio. But here's what's interesting Do you know that if the ratio extends above 11 to 1, that your marriage is in threat of falling apart?

Pastor Chris May:

Like if you don't have one argument disagreement for every 11 positive interactions. That's a sign your marriage is in trouble. And you say, well why? Well, some confrontation is necessary to deepen the relationship, to cause resilience and to grow. Like I know, you think that you want a spouse whom you never spar with, but research shows the healthiest marriages are made up of two people who speak truth and have overwhelmingly positive interactions, but aren't afraid of those negative interactions that they do spar every now and then, and that is how the relationship deepens and how it grows.

Pastor Chris May:

Are you with me? Here's the point that I want to make here Don't think of conflict as being a negative thing. Don't have a fight this week and go oh, our marriage is over and this is horrible. We're not meant to be together. But also don't be petty, okay. So everybody, listen to me Women, I'm not giving you permission to go home and nag your husband all week, all right. And man, I'm not giving you permission to go home and nag at your wives all week. Had to throw that in there, get me out of hot water. So here's the thing, guys. This is not a call to every little. You know every time we're bugged or irritated at all that we got to sit down and have this long drawn-out conversation or speak our mind. It's not that. But when there are true concerns, true problems, we need to love each other enough to deal with those. And then this means also we've got to be very intentional about our positive interactions.

Pastor Chris May:

1 Thessalonians 5.11,. Encourage one another and build one another up. So in the church, how are you going to handle problems when they arise? How are you not going to leave when you get your little feelings hurt? I'll tell you how, because you're going to be intentional about encouraging one another all year. So when one thing happens with somebody, it doesn't break you. Are you with me? Healthy confrontation also has to be approached with humility, and here's what that means. Number one you own your part of the conflict. You own your part of the conflict.

Pastor Chris May:

You know John Mark. We don't know why he abandoned Paul and Barnabas, but we do know this. You can look at this later, but Acts 12, I believe verse 12, is the first mention we have of John Mark, and we find out that he's still living with mama. She has a house in Jerusalem and she often houses and holds meetings for the church leaders there in Jerusalem. But John Mark, he was old enough to travel, but he was still young enough where he could still live under mother's roof. His father had passed away at this point, so scholars estimate he was probably between 17 and 25 years old. And so here's what I wonder. It is certainly on John Mark that he abandoned Paul and Barnabas. He made a commitment and he didn't hold up to it. That's wrong, not excusable.

Pastor Chris May:

However, I thought about this week. I thought I wonder what Paul and Barnabas brought to the table. I mean, here's a guy, he's a kid, he's inexperienced. I'll tell you this One of the worst things that ever happened to me in my life is that I was invited to be a pastor at 22 years old. I was called but I wasn't ready, and I wonder if Paul and Barnabas should have used a little more wisdom. And so you know what? I don't know if John Mark's ready yet. Maybe he needs some training, preparation.

Pastor Chris May:

But here's the other thing. So, going back to Acts 13, verse 1 and following, but here's the other thing. So, going back to Acts 13, verse 1, and following that, the church hears from the Holy Spirit that two men are to be sent out. Who are those? Paul and Barnabas? Notice who's not there. I just wonder if it wasn't the Lord's will for John Mark to go. We don't know, but here's the point.

Pastor Chris May:

I wonder how this conflict or this confrontation would have gone if Paul or Barnabas simply said you know what? Some of this is my fault, what John Mark did, you know. Here's the thing. This is something I've learned, that you know in most conflicts, both parties bring something to the table. You know, in most conflicts, both parties bring something to the table. It's the fault of Now. So here's the thing. It might be 95% the other person's fault, but you want, you know, confrontation that goes well. Here's what you do. Great tip you. Before taking the speck out of your brother's eye, you remove the log in yours, you say hey, I'm sorry for this part. You know you own your 5%. And then you address the 95% of the other person Are you with me? Take that at me, all right.

Pastor Chris May:

So humility, you know it says maybe I done some wrong here, but it also involves listening. How many of you have ever been in an argument, maybe this is you and the person you can tell they're not listening to you. They're just waiting to respond. They cut you off and you can see they're even look. You know how you can tell somebody's kind of looking to the side. They're just ready, man, they can't wait for you to stop talking. So they can, you know, go right back and come right back with something more intelligent. You know, let me read you. Well, you know this verse James 1, 19. Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger, how you doing. Proverbs 18, 2. I love this verse.

Pastor Chris May:

A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion. You know, a lot of people confront problems to win, to win an argument. If that's the reason you confront a problem in your marriage, or at church or at work, listen, none of you win. Confronting a problem is not about winning, it's about finding a solution, it's about negotiating. So healthy confrontation is approached with humility, but it's also, you know, what? Do you notice anything missing from this text? What don't Paul and Barnabas do? They don't pray. They don't pray. No-transcript is to pray with that other person. Cover that confrontation in prayer and I'll say this it's really hard to yell and scream at somebody. You've just prayed for Healthy confrontation that also keeps emotions in check. I'm going to step on some toes right here. Look at verse 39 again. And there arose a sharp disagreement so that they separated from each other. Now I want you to really notice, maybe underline that phrase sharp disagreement.

Pastor Chris May:

The English translation doesn't convey the force of the phrase in the Greek. The Greek word is pyroxosmos. Yeah, I totally said that correctly. All right, that's where we derive our English word paroxysm, which means a sudden outburst. Did anybody use that word this week? So in the medical field, a paroxysm is a sudden worsening of symptoms. In an emotional state, it is a sudden outburst of feelings, particularly of anger and rage. Anybody have an emotional paroxysm this last week? All right, I don't blame you for not raising your hands. So here's the point, guys. This is crazy for not raising your hands. So here's the point, guys. This is crazy.

Pastor Chris May:

Paul and Barnabas, these great missionaries in church planters they're the one you know, paul, who wrote two-thirds of our New Testament. They blow up. Does that not make you feel good? I mean, honestly, it's crazy to me. And what's so funny about this is Paul himself. In Galatians 5.19, remember, he's through 21, he's listing the works of the flesh and in the works of the flesh he lists fits of rage. And Paul himself must look back to this event and go man, I really botched that situation. He's the one who says in Ephesians 4, speak the truth in love. In Ephesians 4, 26, be angry and do not sin. Which reminds us guys, it's okay to be angry, but don't let anger control you.

Pastor Chris May:

The great Billy Graham said hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything. You know what uncontrolled outbursts do? They lead you from attacking the problem to attacking the person Dangerous. And the aim, what is the aim of healthy confrontation? It always aims at reconciliation. And that's the tragedy in verse 39 is that they separated, they separated.

Pastor Chris May:

You know I've had people say to me, you know well, you know they've been in maybe marriage counseling or something. And a guy will say to me you know, I'm miserable, but I'm going to stay married because I don't believe in divorce. I'm just going to stay. You know, we'll just kind of stay away from each other, but your covenant isn't just to stay married. What is it To love and to cherish, to honor, to respect, to stay together for better and for worse, to take care of each other.

Pastor Chris May:

See, when you have it out with your spouse maybe there's an extended season of conflict it's not enough to say, well, we're going to stay married. That's not pleasing to the Lord in and of itself. He wants you to stay married. But beyond that, he's saying you know what we're going to do, whatever we can to be reconciled. And that is the same in the church. Listen to me, please, listen to me please. 95% of the time, my experience in church ministry, almost without fail. Somebody gets their feelings hurt and they leave. Now, even if you leave, here's what I would say. First of all, I wouldn't leave for that reason. But secondly, you better deal with the conflict before you leave, because the way you leave here is the way you'll enter the next church. We always ought to be reconciled.

Pastor Chris May:

Now, here's the beauty of the story. Do you know that? Eventually we know that Paul and Barnabas reconciled because Paul affirms his ministry in 1 Corinthians 9, 6. And John Mark even gets on Paul's good side. So in 2 Timothy, paul is writing his letter while he's on death row. And here's what he writes to his apprentice Timothy. He says Luke alone is with me. Get Mark, that is, john Mark, and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me. The Bible commands us to pursue reconciliation.

Pastor Chris May:

Now let me make one more point before my closing. It's this let's just read these last two verses Verse 39, the second part Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and departed, having been commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord, and he went through Syria and Cilicia strengthening the churches. Here's what I love, I believe, with all my heart. Paul and Barnabas failed miserably in this episode, but ministry continued. Ministry continued. And here's what I want you to know, beloved Listen, some of you have messed up royally in this area or another area.

Pastor Chris May:

We all fail, but today's a new day. God's grace is sufficient and I would just say, particularly when it comes to conflict, don't let past hurts keep you from moving forward in what God has called you to do. You know, there are people who have been wounded by another church member or even, sadly, a pastor, before and now they're sitting at home or maybe they're in church, but they're guarded and they're isolated lest they become vulnerable and open themselves up to hurt again. This, friends, listen, this confrontation and reconciliation, it's not optional, and here's the thing it's not even ultimately about you, it's about the Lord Jesus Christ In 2 Corinthians, 5, 18 and 19,. It says all this is from God, who, through Christ, reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation. Do you know that the greatest reconciliation every human being needs is reconciliation with God? And the Lord Jesus Christ came in fact, by his own life to reconcile us to the Father. And for those of us this is what Paul is saying here, for those of us who have been reconciled we are to also give this message of reconciliation to others. In other words, we're to preach the gospel, but the gospel but the gospel it's very clear in scripture doesn't just reconcile us to God, but it reconciles us one to another.

Pastor Chris May:

And how can we preach a message of reconciliation when we can't even get along amongst ourselves? So I'm going to ask you this week, very easy, do you mind to come up? Very easy, I want to give you a task here. It is If you've got a conflict that you've not addressed, address it this week and address it in love. And you say how can I do that? Here's the great thing. What I've preached today is not easy. I know it's not even a shouting message, it sounds more like a self-help message. But it's the Bible and it's something we need. Because here's the thing this will revolutionize all of your relationships if you apply what I've preached today.

Pastor Chris May:

But this you're not alone in this. What do you need to make this happen? You need the Holy Spirit. Because what do you need to confront somebody in love? You first of all need boldness and courage. Well, haven't we seen that through the book of Acts, people are filled with the Spirit and they're all of a sudden courageous and they're bold. But you don't just need boldness and courage. What else do you need? Kindness, love, gentleness, patience. Sound familiar? That's the fruit of what the Spirit. You're not alone in this. This takes the Holy Spirit to accomplish. So you pray, you saturate everything in prayer that you do, especially when it comes to conflict. You seek God and you yield yourself to the Spirit and he's going to help you in this. So this week, man, make it right with somebody and do it quickly.

Pastor Chris May:

I'll close with this story. There's a book called. It's a kid's book. It's called there's no Such Thing as a Dragon. It's by Jack Kent and I was unfamiliar with this book, but I was listening to Jordan Peterson, several years ago actually, and he used this book as an illustration, and so I actually read it. It took me about a year, but I got through it. Here's the story. This is so good.

Pastor Chris May:

So Billy Bixby wakes up one morning to find a small kitten-sized dragon on his bed and he pets the dragon and he goes downstairs excited and says mom, there's a dragon in my room. And she says, billy, there's no such thing as a dragon. Well, because the mom ignored the dragon, billy decides well, I'll just ignore the dragon too. So he went back upstairs and the dragon began to follow him around. But every time Billy ignored it the dragon would get just a little bit bigger. So Billy went back downstairs and he had a stack of pancakes there and he started eating. And all of a sudden he notices the dragon has gotten quite a bit larger. Its head is in the living room, its body, you know, in the kitchen. He says it's mom, there's a dragon. It's grown, billy, there's no such thing as a dragon.

Pastor Chris May:

So Billy continues to ignore the dragon and he goes about his day. But the dragon gets larger and larger and it starts to fill multiple rooms almost completely. It made housework almost impossible. Everybody's having to step over the dragon. Mom, mom, the dragon's growing. He's filling rooms. Billy, don't be silly, there's no such thing as a dragon.

Pastor Chris May:

Finally, the dragon has grown to an absurd height and all of a sudden there's a bread truck that drives by and the dragon gets a whiff of it. The dragon's hungry, and so the dragon gets up and he chases the bread truck down the street carrying the Bixby house on his back. Dad pulls up a little bit later and he sees his house is down the street and he gets out and then he asks the mother. He says what happened? He gets out and he asks the mother. He says what happened? What happened? Well, billy chimes in and he says dad, it was the dragon. And finally the mother, unable to ignore reality any longer, admits that she sees the dragon too.

Pastor Chris May:

And what's interesting here in the story is that as soon as the dragon is acknowledged, it begins to shrink back down to kitten size. Billy pets it and his mom says you know, I don't mind dragons this size. And Billy replies I think it just wanted to be noticed. And I give you that illustration to say this. And I give you that illustration to say this, to plead with you to deal with problems while they are manageable. The longer you wait, the more they will grow. And I would just beg you, don't ignore the dragon of conflict. It only grows until it will carry your house away.